Acceptance

Last week I wrote about blame, so this week is a happier subject. I am going to talk about how I have gotten to the point of accepting my situation and how my life has changed after my acceptance. It was not an easy road. It is tough to admit that this is your life and yes it could have been different, but it is not.
I got through waves where it is easier to keep accepting my injury and streams where I would rather know what I could be doing if I never got a brain injury. I am sure everyone who has gone through a life-altering experience deals with this. It is nice to know I am not alone but there are times where it doesn’t matter. A couple of days where you need to pout is okay but to accept the life that has been thrown at you, you must make the most of life.
I learned early on that getting to where I wanted to be and what I wanted was not impossible, it just took a lot of work. Accepting this took time and does not come all at once. Even the ability to recognize that I had to work harder in everything I wanted to do was a start. After a brain injury it is all about small steps, and if one can celebrate those steps, the more considerable feat will seem less daunting. The ability to observe the more modest achievements help keep motivation up.
You can do what you want to put your mind to. It will just take some time. Be patient. Accept when you need to ask for help and appreciate the small victories.

Who is to Blame

When difficult events happen in life that make daily living tough, it is easy to find someone to blame.

Blame is an interesting word. When you blame someone, you are holding them accountable for whatever they did or what you think they did. It is easy to blame someone for something that is not ideal. It is difficult not to place blame when you’re in a frustrating situation. In my case, there was someone to point blame to too quickly, but there are some instances where it requires more creativity, and the easy out does not always make sense.

There are times where I blame the brain injury in general. It makes life easier when it gets frustrating. For me, the real blame is the hospital. Every time I couldn’t do something I wanted to, I would fault the people who “did this to me.” I grew up blaming the hospital, this made the stuff I couldn’t do, their fault. The blame got worse the harder a task was, and the more I tried. Because of placing the blame, I felt better about myself.
I am sure everyone has felt this way, even ones without a brain injury. The brain injury is just another venue to use for the blame. It is an excellent way to explain why you can’t do something or why it takes you longer to complete a task. It is not fair to play the blame game, but it makes life more comfortable and more bearable.

Continue reading “Who is to Blame”

My Story

brain-color-colorful-19677This post is telling my story. Before getting into everything, I would like to say, please comment on any subjects you would like me to talk about on this blog.

I am 23 years old. I have a bachelor’s degree in Exercise and Sports Science. I have lived with my brain injury for my entire life.  I have an acquired brain injury because of a mistake during the birthing process. My mom got an overdose of Pitocin. That mistake caused me distress that ended up in me trying to take my first breath while I was still in the womb. The team was unaware of what had happened. It was a rush to get me out when I got out my APGAR score was 2. I was not breathing and was blue and purple.

They whisked me away and put me on a stretcher made for infants. They put me on an ambulance and took me to the children’s hospital. I was a Children’s for a week in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I was on oxygen, had a feeding tube, and the CT scans showed that parts of my frontal cortex was dead. The doctors were warning my parents how I may not be able to walk or live on my own. They had no idea what was going to happen. Continue reading “My Story”

Welcome

Hello, my name is Samantha. I have had a brain injury since I was born. I don’t know life without it. That is different from others experience. Most people with brain injuries remember what life was like before. I am stuck questioning what could my life had looked like if specific events didn’t occur. It is difficult to walk around life asking what ifs. Everyone has them. What if this didn’t happen, what could I be doing now? The unknown is difficult to ponder, and there are a lot of factors. For everyone with a brain injury it is difficult to live and accept your brain injury, but as a kid, it is especially tricky. As a kid, all that is important is fitting in and making friends. When you must leave class to get individual help or cannot hang out after school because you need to go to various therapy sessions, friends become curious. To explain what is going on, don’t you have to understand it yourself?

What your routine is, isn’t what routine is for anyone else. My goal for this blog is to let kids know that being different isn’t the worst thing and as you grow up, it gets better. I am here to talk about my experience and the roller coaster of emotions that went along with it. It is possible to push past the obstacles that life throws at you. My experience has taught that everything happens for a reason, even if the goal isn’t apparent at the moment. I graduated college a year ago and still have no idea what I am going to do with my life. There is even a reason for me not having a plan for my life right now. I know that my ultimate goal in my life is to help kids dealing with the long process of learning to live with a brain injury.