Blame: Where Should it be Placed?

When difficult events happen in life that make daily living tough, it is easy to find someone to blame.

Blame is an interesting word. When you blame someone, you are holding them accountable for whatever they did or what you think they did. It is easy to criticize someone for something that is not ideal. It is difficult not to place blame when you’re in a frustrating situation. In my case, there was someone to point blame to too quickly, but there are some instances where it requires more creativity, and the easy out does not always make sense.

There are times where I blame the brain injury in general. It makes life easier when it gets frustrating. For me, the real blame is the hospital. Every time I couldn’t do something I wanted to, I would fault the people who “did this to me.” I grew up blaming the hospital, this made the stuff I couldn’t do, their fault. The blame got worse the harder a task was, and the more I tried. Because of attacking others I felt better about myself.
I am sure everyone has felt this way, even ones without a brain injury. The brain injury is just another venue to use for the blame. It is an excellent way to explain why you can’t do something or why it takes you longer to complete a task. It is not fair to play the blame game, but it makes life more comfortable and more bearable.

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My Story of my Life with a Brain Injury

This is my story about how I got my brain injury and my journey through my school years. It gives background about why I began writing this blog

This post is telling my story. Please comment on any subjects you would like me to talk about on this blog.

I am 23 years old, and I have a bachelor’s degree in Exercise and Sports Science. I have lived with my acquired brain injury for my entire life due to a mistake during the birthing process. My mom got an overdose of Pitocin. That mistake caused me distress. This resulted in me trying to take my first breath while I was still in the womb. The team was unaware of what had happened. It was a rush to get me out when I got out my APGAR score was 2. I was not breathing and was blue and purple.

They whisked me away and put me on a stretcher made for infants. They put me on an ambulance and took me to the children’s hospital. I was a Children’s for a week in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I was on oxygen, had a feeding tube, and the CT scans showed that parts of my frontal cortex was dead. The doctors were warning my parents how I may not be able to walk or live on my own. They had no idea what was going to happen.

After spending a week at the Children’s hospital, I moved to a hospital that closer to home. After a few days there, I returned to go home, still on oxygen. I had seizures for six weeks and had to stay on oxygen for six months. At this point, it was just a waiting game.

After the Hospitals

As I got older, I went to my fair share of therapists before I even started school. At first, I thought nothing was wrong because I didn’t know any better because I was unaware of my story. I went to physical therapy and occupational therapy. I didn’t notice significant differences until about second grade. In second grade I began to take speech therapy. Sometimes, my sessions were in the middle of the school day which meant I took time out of subjects that I needed to learn to about. Other times I went to someone else after school, which meant I did not hang out with friends.

I had to go to speech therapy because I was able to think of what I wanted to say but it could not make the path to my mouth where I could articulate what I was feeling. In second grade I took time to take tests to ‘prove’ that I had a brain injury. The testing was for all the legal stuff that went on. The results showed a brain injury was present, that I had a brain injury. The testing process required me to take more time off of school. This made me feel even more alienated.

After all the testing and when I got to a point where I was able to stop speech therapy, my life became normal. This was nice and I enjoy this part of my story. I was able to have a childhood. I could enjoy my dance classes after school. After finishing elementary school, I changed my sport from dancing to figure skating. The ice is where I feel my best. It allows me to forget the differences and struggles in my life. This is so freeing, but sometimes it is a problem because I let myself get so frustrated at how long it takes me to learn a new skill.

My story: After School

The next time I had to face major difficulties with my brain injury was when it was time to apply to colleges. I can work my butt off in school and get decent grades, but my test scores don’t make that believable. I was lucky enough to get extra time to take a test, but that still didn’t help. It took me transferring school to find a school that I could excel in. When I found the right school for me, I was able to graduate with a Bachelor of Science in Exercise and Sports Science.

This is my story until now and now I am waiting to find out what my next step in life is.